I recently heard, or rather read, that someone described themselves as an introvert and outgoing. Now I personally believe that this is an oxymoron. I consider myself to be an introvert. I'm perfectly content to stay at home and read a book or play a video game, or just hang out with one or two close friends. I prefer more introverted activities and I would never say I'm outgoing, but that doesn't mean I never leave the house. I've been into trying new things lately. Maybe that's what it means to be an introvert and outgoing? I don't know, this is a hard one. I guess if I think about it, I can see what some people would mean, but I think how people use the word outgoing in general just doesn't correlate with the definition of an introvert. So, what is the definition of an introvert exactly? Well, according to Merriam-Webster online, introversion is the act of directing one's attention toward or getting gratification from one's own interests, thoughts, and feelings. An extrovert is defined as a friendly person who likes being with and talking to other people: an outgoing person.
Well, just the fact the dictionary uses the term outgoing in the definition of extrovert, would imply that an introvert can not be outgoing. But, does that mean that an introvert cannot be a friendly person that that likes being with certain people, or talking to other people? I don't think I like these definitions. They seem very black and white. An extrovert can surely get gratification from being in tune with their own thoughts and feelings. But these are only one set of definitions and I think there are different ways to define or interpret these words. And I don't see the world as being black or white, or one extreme or another. To me, there's always a gray area in everything. So now I feel like I'm facing a conundrum. What am I? Who am I? Ok, that was a bit of an exaggeration haha
I find it harder to socialize with people I don't know and I feel more comfortable in smaller groups or in one to one interactions. I'm very shy and quiet around people I don't know, which makes it hard to connect with new people or meet new people, but once I am comfortable around someone, I feel like my, 'true' personality is able to shine through. I can be very loud with my friends, we feed off of each other's energies, and I do enjoy going out with them, to possibly even, wait for it...try something new and exciting! I've even joined a meet up group and gone out to trivia nights and karaoke! Did I feel uncomfortable at times? Yes. Did I feel a little socially awkward and struggle with what to say at times? Yes. Was it hard? Yes. Am I glad I did it? Yes. Will I do it again? Yes. Will it get easier with time and practice? Yes. So, yes, I'm an introvert and I get out of the house and make an effort to meet new people and make new friends, but I would never consider that to be outgoing in any way. I think that's the difference. An extrovert would just go along for the ride, be able to speak freely and feel less socially awkward. I feel like they are the life of the party, always wanting to be around people, the easiest of people to talk to, and always have a group of people at their disposal to call up and dance the night away. Now that is outgoing!
But really these are all just labels and who cares? You are who you are! I just found it interesting to think about it and wanted to throw my thoughts out there, since it's been something on my mind. I think with everything I've been going through and trying to come up with a fresh start for my life, it's been a goal of mine to get out more and I do want to expand my social circle. I think it's important to try and get out there, inside of staying at home where I could keep ruminating in my thoughts and perpetuating a cycle of loneliness and depression. Now, that's not to say I'm still not dealing with that, because trust me, I am! And to be honest, sometimes I just plain don't want to do it and some of that is just situational right now. For me, I think this is a case of practice makes perfect, or practice makes ... well makes it better!
It's been a new venture for me, to really get out of my comfort zone and it's been challenging. When you have a best friend you do everything with for 4 years, you fall into a routine and a comfort zone and you don't have to do any of these things. You can easily avoid them. It's been hard because I haven't had to do this in years and I haven't wanted to, but now that I'm in a totally different situation, it's not an option anymore to live the way I had lived for so many years. Sometimes it makes me angry that I feel like I have to do these things that are hard for me or that I'm forced to change my life suddenly and do things that are uncomfortable. I see it sometimes as a necessary evil. I've even come home from an event feeling even more sad and alone because I didn't have anything in common with the few people I was sitting with and it's not that I didn't want to not be a part of the conversation, but I didn't have anything to add to that particular subject. It made me think, why did I even bother to go? It was a failure, I should I just stayed home! It just feels discouraging, especially when you try to go out to feel better and end up crying all the way home. But hey, that's my life right now. I just have to remember to be patient with myself and that I'm still making progress and I should be proud of myself that I'm getting out. Like, I said, it will get better with time. After all, I am just an introvert trying to get out! But, in all seriousness, I think in the end it's gonna really pay off for me and I'll be sure to keep you guys filled in!
So, what do you guys think of the whole introvert vs. extrovert thing? Which one are you? Or do you feel like you can't pick one or the other? If you feel like it, leave me a comment below or message me on Google +. I'd be really interested to hear from you guys or even just to hear a hello! Thanks for reading and have a great rest of the weekend!
-Amelia
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